The time has come to collect the child in me. No longer do I have to afraid, however caution will need to be taken for I do not want her to run from me. Aimlessly she roamed, wandering with no purpose, alone, trusting nobody, yet holding on for dear life by the thinnest of thinnest thread, should it snap she be lost forever. Had she known I would come back for her one day? I have come to believe that we will learn from one another and that together in unity we will be strong. I will teach her to trust, she me to be cautious.

It is through me that the little girl inside me is able to express her frustration and pain. Her hand guides me while I write, informing me of events long forgotten. Emotions and feelings resurface, returning life into my body as I allow her to express herself through me. Trust gained brought her forth. Reaching out, pain travelling through her tiny frame enters my mine as the tips of our finger’s touch. Unable to contain this pain any longer she needs me to cry her tears, show her frustration. Anger never felt before also needs to be brought forth, to release the tension in our bodies. She withheld all these, waiting patiently for me to be strong enough. Still unsure at times, she needs to be able to withdraw and return to her place of safety. I will therefor take caution to allow her come forth at her own pace. It is only with a better understanding of each other that we will be able to join as one and live together in harmony.

With confidence and trust, little by little, the little girl came out from within the dept of my soul. For years she was too afraid to look, walk, talk or move, confined and isolated, entrapped by unexpressed suppressed emotions. Now frustrated by her confinement she pounds away with tiny hands clinched in fits. Freedom can only be gained through me, by her informing me of events long forgotten.                           I set her free by expressing her feelings and showing her emotions, tears from my eyes release the pain in her heart, screams from lungs the entrapment of her soul. By acknowledging and caring for one another’s needs we slowly entwine to join as one.  

The little girl within rejoiced as I lit a candle in her honour. Slowly little by little she had taken me back in time to the point where her spirit died a death without tears, buried, forgotten without ever having really lived. Trust gained through me enable her to show her true self, dancing with spirit zest and vitality, like the flame before my eyes, the wonders of life for she paid that heavy price, of a death without tears. It is the acknowledgement and in time the freedom of this which will set her free to enlighten my soul. Together reborn to once again reclaim and enjoy the wonders of life.

No longer is the child in me buried within the depth of my soul. Patients, time and care have her allowed her to come forth at her own pace. Now I feel her spirit like an arrow stab my heart, the point piercing it, wanting to be acknowledged and never again forgotten. It does, with trickles of blood, crying out in pain, for what was and never should have been. Afraid I stand back, for to embrace this life means to let go and let her in. No longer retreating the child within intends to use her spirit like the point of an arrow to pierce further into my heart, until screaming out in grave agony, there will be no choice but to let go, accept and embrace forever and ever.  

Painstakingly the child within and I have reached our journey’s end. We now united joined as one embraced by the truth, share the same thoughts and joy’s and cry the same tears and feel the same fears. In search, we have found the source, our mother’s lies, which wedged itself like a knife razor edged between us. Thus slitting, reopening the old wound, to allow to flow freely what festered, poisoned my system, quilt, shame, resentment, a desperate need to prove my mother wrong. This wound now flushed and cleansed, by the contradiction of what I was led to believe is letting love in to heal and mend a broken heart.  A scar, which will no doubt remain will serve as a gentle reminder to never take for granted what I worked hard to get.